so now what?

As some of you already know, I will not be returning to this college next fall. This is not because I don't fit in well here, and it is certainly not because I don't absolutely love my teachers and friends. Rather, the reason I will not be coming back is because my college will not be here next year. The buildings will be here, of course, but that is all. There will be no volleyball team to play a rousing game in our gym--the thunderdome. There will be no hall full of faculty, always avaliable to talk. There will be no JC full of students laughing, talking, playing ping-pong, pool, or air hockey. There will be no service clubs, no classes, no school.

Mine is a branch campus of a college in Oklahoma, and recently this main college decided that it was no longer financially feasible for them to operate my smaller school. This news, announced today to the faculty and staff, then to the students, came as quite a shock to us all. After our president made his difficult speech, most of the students broke into tears. No one was expecting this, and no one is quite sure exactly what they will do now. As I sat beneath a beautiful tree gazing up at the blue fall sky, I was surprised by a touch on my shoulder. This young man was the first of many friends to ask me how I was doing, to talk with me, to cry with me, to give me a hug. I think I have given and received more hugs today than all the rest of my life put together. I absolutely love the sense of community here. All of us care so deeply for everyone else, and a time that could potentially be a time of hopeless, frustrated mourning is actually a time of love and support.

So what does this mean for me? It means that I prematurely rejoiced over the completion of college applications. It means that I once again will be seeking out a college home. It means that, after May, I might never see my new, but beloved friends again. It means that my fabulous professors will no longer be right there for me. It means that I will have to start all over again. This is bad, no doubt, but I am certainly grateful for my situation. I am a freshman, with few credits to transfer and three plus years of college before me. I feel especially bad for my teachers. For many of them, this school was their life, a project to which they devoted time, energy, and love. They have families and children, and now they will be out looking for a new job. I cried with the seniors who are taking an extra semester. They are left schoolless one semester short of graduation. I pity those whose bible credits will not transfer to most schools. I reach out to our many foreign students who sacrificed financially to come here and are not sure even what country they will be studying in next year. Please pray for all of the people affected by this decision!

When I was sitting beneath the tree, the friend that approached me sat down and we just talked. The two of us are very much in the same position. We are both freshmen who absolutely love Cascade and are thriving here spiritually, academically, socially, and athletically. We were both planning on attending this school for four years, and are now rather unsure of what our near future holds. One thing we agreed upon, however: God knows exactly what he is doing, and this is a valuable reminder that we are not in control even of our own lives. This is certainly not what we expected or wanted, but as it is, we trust that God has a beautiful plan for our lives, and we are optimistic about what our future holds.

It is important to remember that this year is definitely not over. In fact, it has just begun! I still have six valuable months to spend with my teachers and friends and my Phi Alpha sisters. Six months of school, of being student senator, of being a part of this community. In fact, today some of my female friends assured me that I would certainly be marrying one of my male friends from here, and they are going to do their best to facilitate this match in the next six months. Like I said, the rest of this year will certainly be interesting, and I think very rewarding as well. Many people are transferring away at the semester break, so the community will definitely not be the same, but this is where God has placed me for now, and I am committed to blessing this community in every way that I can. I am a little distressed about the rushed college search I will be starting, um, in a few minutes, but I do believe that God will provide. I believe that he has a life of blessing planned for me, and I am quite ready to experience it, though this is not exactly the path that I had in mind. I would appreciate your prayers as I once more begin finding and applying for colleges. =P