...since I last posted--fourteen days, actually. Shame on me.
In the last two weeks I have turned in two large school projects, been actively recruited by another college's volleyball coach, totaled a car (yes, the news got out. Everyone seems to know, and if you didn't before, well now you do! The important thing to know, however, is that it was not my fault in the least. It was also not my car in the least, but let's not trifle with details. Praise the Lord that the young man at fault had insurance, and that I was not hurt worse than I was!), and made the long drive back home for Thanksgiving break. While here, I have spent as much time with as many people as I reasonably can. I have gone shopping, talked, ate so much non-cafeteria food that I can quite conceivably roll back to college, exchanged gifts, laughed, and... drunk coffee to excess. If anyone else in this town would like to take me out for a talk over coffee, now would be the time. I think I have drunk more coffee in the past week than I have... mostly in my entire life. It's true.
Tonight I am hanging out with a friend. We made caramel corn and watched a movie, and now my friend is straightening her hair and we are listening to Coldplay and I... am blogging and soothing my guilty conscience. But now it is time for me to go. I will post more later. Have an awesome Thanksgiving, everyone!!!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
male and female he created them
"My father was a man, and I know the sex pretty well." I read this quote in a delightful little book a few weeks ago, and I nearly choked on my banana. As preposterous as this confidence sounded to me, I knew that I was guilty of much the same thing. For a long time, this Calvin and Hobbes comic describes quite accurately my perception of boys.
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Boys like explosions, and they can run faster than girls (grrrr...). These two observations were quite enough for me for many years. I had boys figured out.
For the past few weeks in my communications class, we have been studying and discussing gender differences in communication. Apparently men and women communicate differently, and there is a lot more to understand about males than I had previously thought. I'm sure those of you older than myself have already observed what I am about to share, but for me this revelation is novel and astounding.
Allow me to outline the most fundamental concept to understanding gender differences in communication (and in pretty much every other area of life): men and women view the world through two very different lenses. Men and women both have the same two lenses, but they emphasize the lenses much differently.
Men view the world primarily through the lens of hierarchy. They see themselves as individuals, struggling to preserve independence and to avoid failure. For men, every situation and conversation is a bit of a challenge, in which one can either move one-up or one-down in the male hierarchy. This view of the world comes out in a million different ways. Have you ever noticed that in a group of guys there is always someone who is made fun of and picked on? This is because every guy in that group wants to have someone who is definitely below him in the hierarchy. Also, it is a well-known fact that guys are competitive. They have almost superhuman abilities to detect even a hint of a challenge to their ego. That too, is all about hierarchy.
Then, on the other side of the spectrum, we find women. Women. We females view the world primarily through the lens of connection. Women see themselves as part of a network of connections, and their primary concern is to preserve intimacy and avoid isolation. For women, every situation and conversation is an opportunity to create or maintain interpersonal connections, and females are always especially sensitive to others' attempts to push them away. This too, is manifested variously. Why do girls consult their best friends about everything from boys to hair to clothes to food to... who knows what else? Because talking and sharing those decisions builds connection. Why is it that girls can't even make solo trips to the bathroom? Because their world is one in which isolation is the ultimate fear.
This is so interesting for me!! I could cite multitudes of examples in my own life where a misunderstanding based on these two different lenses led to relational mini-disasters. This really is valuable stuff. Knowing and understanding the way people communicate, and how men and women communicate differently, can prevent a whole boatload of misunderstandings and miscommunications. Also, being informed of how people view the world and view their interactions with others will help me to be more thoughtful and considerate in my own interpersonal interactions. I like it. =)
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Boys like explosions, and they can run faster than girls (grrrr...). These two observations were quite enough for me for many years. I had boys figured out.
For the past few weeks in my communications class, we have been studying and discussing gender differences in communication. Apparently men and women communicate differently, and there is a lot more to understand about males than I had previously thought. I'm sure those of you older than myself have already observed what I am about to share, but for me this revelation is novel and astounding.
Allow me to outline the most fundamental concept to understanding gender differences in communication (and in pretty much every other area of life): men and women view the world through two very different lenses. Men and women both have the same two lenses, but they emphasize the lenses much differently.
Men view the world primarily through the lens of hierarchy. They see themselves as individuals, struggling to preserve independence and to avoid failure. For men, every situation and conversation is a bit of a challenge, in which one can either move one-up or one-down in the male hierarchy. This view of the world comes out in a million different ways. Have you ever noticed that in a group of guys there is always someone who is made fun of and picked on? This is because every guy in that group wants to have someone who is definitely below him in the hierarchy. Also, it is a well-known fact that guys are competitive. They have almost superhuman abilities to detect even a hint of a challenge to their ego. That too, is all about hierarchy.
Then, on the other side of the spectrum, we find women. Women. We females view the world primarily through the lens of connection. Women see themselves as part of a network of connections, and their primary concern is to preserve intimacy and avoid isolation. For women, every situation and conversation is an opportunity to create or maintain interpersonal connections, and females are always especially sensitive to others' attempts to push them away. This too, is manifested variously. Why do girls consult their best friends about everything from boys to hair to clothes to food to... who knows what else? Because talking and sharing those decisions builds connection. Why is it that girls can't even make solo trips to the bathroom? Because their world is one in which isolation is the ultimate fear.
This is so interesting for me!! I could cite multitudes of examples in my own life where a misunderstanding based on these two different lenses led to relational mini-disasters. This really is valuable stuff. Knowing and understanding the way people communicate, and how men and women communicate differently, can prevent a whole boatload of misunderstandings and miscommunications. Also, being informed of how people view the world and view their interactions with others will help me to be more thoughtful and considerate in my own interpersonal interactions. I like it. =)
Sunday, November 9, 2008
some stories
The thing about biking to a church over four miles away is that you really get to experience the trip so much more personally. At the beginning of the year there was a lavender bed on the way that I absolutely loved passing because it smelled so good. Then came the smell of wood smoke floating in the chilly fall air. It made me feel cozy. Soon apples fell from the trees over the road and left little fruity reminders of the richness of harvest. The apple tree was right at the top of a hill too, so I had plenty of time to observe them as I downshifted and crawled over the hill. Then recently there were the unfortunate remnants of pumpkin-smashing expeditions left all over the bike lane. These are all cool little things that you would never notice all snuggled up and flying along in the backseat of a car.
A couple weeks ago I rode to church in gale-force winds. I almost turned around and attended the church right next to my school, but something about the challenge of the elements attracted me. Foolish, I know, but there it is. I made it, but it was grueling. I have only gone bicycling into a headwind once before, and it was miserable then too. But um... I guess it was a good workout?
But then there is today. As I walked into church I talked to several people, just about things. One older woman said that it was too bad I had to ride my bike in the rain. I assured her that it wasn't raining, and actually it wasn't too cold either. I remarked that I was very fortunate to have had such pleasant traveling weather all year long. I have only made two trips in a very light rain. Ha! On my way back today, it rained. I mean really rained. It wasn't quite a monsoon. I think it might have been a little worse. I bicycled back quite rapidly, under the mistaken impression that the faster I went, the drier I would be. Ha! As water dripped steadily off my helmet onto my already drenched dress pants, I felt the mud splattering off my back tire into the mid-back stripe so characteristic of bad-weather bikers. Really though, the ride was not bad at all. Fortunately it was still fairly warm so I was not chilled to the bone. Praise God for mittens and waterproof jackets, is all I have to say about that experience.
I reached campus in one soggy, happy piece. As I walked through the door of my dorm, I saw two of my roommate's friends excitedly chattering as they hurried down the stairs. I rolled my eyes. It would have to happen this way. Kristina had been excited all week long about her date this afternoon. She had particularly wanted me to meet this young man, and there they all were, through the doorway to my right. I stepped through the doorway, smiled, and shook hands with Kristina's date, just as though I was thoroughly accustomed to meeting new people looking as if I had recently been dragged from the middle of a very wet pond. After saying that I was indeed pleased to meet him and exchanging pleasant observations about the lovely weather we've been having lately, I sloshed away to fetch my umbrella for the couple to borrow.
I cannot help but laugh at my amazing social grace today. I have no idea what impression I made on Kristina's date, but hopefully he's partial to roommates whose dripping jackets leave small puddles wherever their inhabitants stand.
A couple weeks ago I rode to church in gale-force winds. I almost turned around and attended the church right next to my school, but something about the challenge of the elements attracted me. Foolish, I know, but there it is. I made it, but it was grueling. I have only gone bicycling into a headwind once before, and it was miserable then too. But um... I guess it was a good workout?
But then there is today. As I walked into church I talked to several people, just about things. One older woman said that it was too bad I had to ride my bike in the rain. I assured her that it wasn't raining, and actually it wasn't too cold either. I remarked that I was very fortunate to have had such pleasant traveling weather all year long. I have only made two trips in a very light rain. Ha! On my way back today, it rained. I mean really rained. It wasn't quite a monsoon. I think it might have been a little worse. I bicycled back quite rapidly, under the mistaken impression that the faster I went, the drier I would be. Ha! As water dripped steadily off my helmet onto my already drenched dress pants, I felt the mud splattering off my back tire into the mid-back stripe so characteristic of bad-weather bikers. Really though, the ride was not bad at all. Fortunately it was still fairly warm so I was not chilled to the bone. Praise God for mittens and waterproof jackets, is all I have to say about that experience.
I reached campus in one soggy, happy piece. As I walked through the door of my dorm, I saw two of my roommate's friends excitedly chattering as they hurried down the stairs. I rolled my eyes. It would have to happen this way. Kristina had been excited all week long about her date this afternoon. She had particularly wanted me to meet this young man, and there they all were, through the doorway to my right. I stepped through the doorway, smiled, and shook hands with Kristina's date, just as though I was thoroughly accustomed to meeting new people looking as if I had recently been dragged from the middle of a very wet pond. After saying that I was indeed pleased to meet him and exchanging pleasant observations about the lovely weather we've been having lately, I sloshed away to fetch my umbrella for the couple to borrow.
I cannot help but laugh at my amazing social grace today. I have no idea what impression I made on Kristina's date, but hopefully he's partial to roommates whose dripping jackets leave small puddles wherever their inhabitants stand.
pet peeves and faith
(Pet peeves and faith. That sounds like an interesting connection. Let's see how she pulls this one off...)
I would say, on the whole, that I am a pretty easy-going sort of person. Not that I always have been, of course, but honestly there are only a few things that really bother me. One of them is the utterly despicable word thigh. I don't know what it is about this word that makes me gag if it comes out of my mouth, makes me wince if I am forced to read it, and makes me abhor it from the very depths of my soul, but there it is. That word is an absolute disgrace to the English language, in my opinion. (shudder)
Another thing I don't like is when people say that there are no words to express what they are feeling, but then still insist upon using words (that they have just declared do not exist, mind you) to describe something that (as they have just stated) utterly defies description. Now, since that irks me a bit, I won't do that. However, I will say that I have never heard anyone adequately describe what I want to describe, so I will have to take the blandness of my vocabulary to new levels of absurdity. Or I could just stick to bland and let you create the rest. That might work too.
Yesterday I was able to spend my whole day with my parents after nearly three months of separation. That is a long time. Yesterday was aMaZINg! The highlight of my day was probably a decidedly unique mini-golfing excursion. Because it has been raining solidly for nearly a week, we took advantage of the sun to find... a waterlogged mini-golf course. Every low spot in the course was now completely underwater, sometimes even the hole was totally submerged in a large puddle. We call this: extreme mini-golf. We call this: an amphibian golfing challenge. We call this: an hour of so much laughter and so many surprises that it was absolutely insane.
After the last two games of my first college volleyball season, and after saying goodbye to my parents, it was time for the trip back to campus. As I laughed with my utterly hilarious coach and listened to the music from his ipod, I thought that my day could not possibly get any better. And then, what song should play next but the "Sadie Hawkins Dance"? I cannot explain that feeling of total happiness and blessedness and the sense of everything being right with the world. I could have laughed, I could have cried. It is just the weirdest and most awesome feeling ever. This crazy experience is not unfamiliar, however. I have felt this way multiple times while here at college. At first, I was at a total loss as to why I kept feeling so happy. And then I slowly began to realize... it's a God thing.
Lately I have sort of stepped into a new phase of my spiritual journey. I didn't ever think about how much being on my own would impact my spiritual life. But now I am totally responsible for my faith. Yes, my parents check on me and make sure I am going to church, but ultimately it is up to me whether or not I go to church every Sunday, and it is definitely up to me whether I become an active part of my church or simply warm a pew every Sunday morning. My parents don't check to make sure that I am reading my Bible daily, they don't begin a conversation with, "Sooo... what spiritual truth have you learned lately? Explain." I am finally at a point where I have to be largely responsible for the managing my own faith. I am now doubly an individual as I stand before Jesus and his cross.
In the past few months, God has brought me to a series of hard choices. On the one hand, I can do what I think will be the most rewarding, or what my culture smiles upon. But on the other hand is the narrow and difficult path to which my faith calls me. Now it is up to me to stay strong in my faith. I have surrounded myself with godly support, but I still ultimately make the decision to do what God says, or to do what I want. I have really not enjoyed making the hard choice to follow God's will rather than my own, but I have let go or made changes in total faith that when I follow God's will, it will lead me to the place of God's blessing. I think that now I am beginning to experience the richness of that blessing. I am walking with God. When that happens, I am blessed even more, and because I am working to keep God is at the center of everything, I am able to appreciate my many blessings so much more fully, in the way that they are supposed to be appreciated. It is pretty much something that can't be explained in words. (!)
That was really a failure of vocabulary and ability. Most of you won't understand the Sadie-Hawkins-Dance-induced-euphoria. I probably should have used a different example. All I can say is, I tried. =)
Honestly though, how can the very great riches and blessings of an even greater God be described in human (especially freshman-in-college-category-of-human) terms? They can't. Just look at the Bible. Words do fail you when it comes to God's joy and peace. I think I should stop here before I just dig myself into a deeper hole and cascades of inadequate words leap down on top of me. Oh, and PS, I think I deserve a bit of a break. I've been filling out college applications and writing application essays all day. My writing abilities are about to give up the ghost. =)
I would say, on the whole, that I am a pretty easy-going sort of person. Not that I always have been, of course, but honestly there are only a few things that really bother me. One of them is the utterly despicable word thigh. I don't know what it is about this word that makes me gag if it comes out of my mouth, makes me wince if I am forced to read it, and makes me abhor it from the very depths of my soul, but there it is. That word is an absolute disgrace to the English language, in my opinion. (shudder)
Another thing I don't like is when people say that there are no words to express what they are feeling, but then still insist upon using words (that they have just declared do not exist, mind you) to describe something that (as they have just stated) utterly defies description. Now, since that irks me a bit, I won't do that. However, I will say that I have never heard anyone adequately describe what I want to describe, so I will have to take the blandness of my vocabulary to new levels of absurdity. Or I could just stick to bland and let you create the rest. That might work too.
Yesterday I was able to spend my whole day with my parents after nearly three months of separation. That is a long time. Yesterday was aMaZINg! The highlight of my day was probably a decidedly unique mini-golfing excursion. Because it has been raining solidly for nearly a week, we took advantage of the sun to find... a waterlogged mini-golf course. Every low spot in the course was now completely underwater, sometimes even the hole was totally submerged in a large puddle. We call this: extreme mini-golf. We call this: an amphibian golfing challenge. We call this: an hour of so much laughter and so many surprises that it was absolutely insane.
After the last two games of my first college volleyball season, and after saying goodbye to my parents, it was time for the trip back to campus. As I laughed with my utterly hilarious coach and listened to the music from his ipod, I thought that my day could not possibly get any better. And then, what song should play next but the "Sadie Hawkins Dance"? I cannot explain that feeling of total happiness and blessedness and the sense of everything being right with the world. I could have laughed, I could have cried. It is just the weirdest and most awesome feeling ever. This crazy experience is not unfamiliar, however. I have felt this way multiple times while here at college. At first, I was at a total loss as to why I kept feeling so happy. And then I slowly began to realize... it's a God thing.
Lately I have sort of stepped into a new phase of my spiritual journey. I didn't ever think about how much being on my own would impact my spiritual life. But now I am totally responsible for my faith. Yes, my parents check on me and make sure I am going to church, but ultimately it is up to me whether or not I go to church every Sunday, and it is definitely up to me whether I become an active part of my church or simply warm a pew every Sunday morning. My parents don't check to make sure that I am reading my Bible daily, they don't begin a conversation with, "Sooo... what spiritual truth have you learned lately? Explain." I am finally at a point where I have to be largely responsible for the managing my own faith. I am now doubly an individual as I stand before Jesus and his cross.
In the past few months, God has brought me to a series of hard choices. On the one hand, I can do what I think will be the most rewarding, or what my culture smiles upon. But on the other hand is the narrow and difficult path to which my faith calls me. Now it is up to me to stay strong in my faith. I have surrounded myself with godly support, but I still ultimately make the decision to do what God says, or to do what I want. I have really not enjoyed making the hard choice to follow God's will rather than my own, but I have let go or made changes in total faith that when I follow God's will, it will lead me to the place of God's blessing. I think that now I am beginning to experience the richness of that blessing. I am walking with God. When that happens, I am blessed even more, and because I am working to keep God is at the center of everything, I am able to appreciate my many blessings so much more fully, in the way that they are supposed to be appreciated. It is pretty much something that can't be explained in words. (!)
That was really a failure of vocabulary and ability. Most of you won't understand the Sadie-Hawkins-Dance-induced-euphoria. I probably should have used a different example. All I can say is, I tried. =)
Honestly though, how can the very great riches and blessings of an even greater God be described in human (especially freshman-in-college-category-of-human) terms? They can't. Just look at the Bible. Words do fail you when it comes to God's joy and peace. I think I should stop here before I just dig myself into a deeper hole and cascades of inadequate words leap down on top of me. Oh, and PS, I think I deserve a bit of a break. I've been filling out college applications and writing application essays all day. My writing abilities are about to give up the ghost. =)
Monday, November 3, 2008
what have I been up to lately?
This past week I experienced a ton of firsts.
1. I went to a basketball game/costume contest and saw someone dressed as...
wait for it...
an oil spill.
There was also a perfect Phantom of the Opera, a Jack Bauer, and a goldfish bowl. It was great.
2. I played pool. I can't stand pool, hence I had not yet played it on campus. I think I won, though I suspect my opponent may have let me win...
3. I won a ping-pong game!! YEAH!
4. I filled out a college application. Okay, this isn't really a first, but I just thought I'd throw it out there.
5. I watched a playoff soccer game that we WON not in the game, not in overtime, not in double overtime, but in the final kick-off (something I had never heard of before, but cheered loudly for nonetheless). Yay for our soccer boys who advance to semi-finals!
6. I went out for dinner with a group of friends... at 10:30pm. We all walked through downtown Portland taking in the city lights and taking crazy pictures of each other. Some of the guys thought it would be a good idea to spit off a bridge, trying to hit the cars passing below us (among other manly things). It was crazy.
7. I played a SOFTBALL GAME!! It was raining the whole time, which only made it more exciting (and all the more perfect for the post-game mudfight). Having never really played or watched baseball or softball before, I didn't know many of the rules. I didn't even know exactly when to run from base to base! So the girls just screamed when I was supposed to run and I ran. One time I hit the softball with my bat, heard the cue, then took off running. Or at least... I tried to take off running. I actually made it only half a step before slipping in the mud and sprawling headlong. I was laughing so hard that I couldn't get up, and all the girls were laughing with me. The guys (who we were playing against) kindly stopped play until I got up and ran to first base. Even with how nice the guys were to us, and despite the fact that we outnumbered them two to one, they still won. =P
8. We won a volleyball game! Fortunately this is not a first either, but it has been a while since we've won anything, so it is worth noting.
9. My roommate and I deflated her birthday balloons and talked to each other in high-pitched helium voices. This is the first time I have ever done this, and we both sounded ridiculous, which only made it funnier.
10. I accidentally sat on a slug.
11. I attempted to cover our entire cafeteria with salad. I'm not sure exactly how my lunch ended up flying everywhere, but I suspect someone planted a small explosive beneath my bowl, just for fun.
1. I went to a basketball game/costume contest and saw someone dressed as...
wait for it...
an oil spill.
There was also a perfect Phantom of the Opera, a Jack Bauer, and a goldfish bowl. It was great.
2. I played pool. I can't stand pool, hence I had not yet played it on campus. I think I won, though I suspect my opponent may have let me win...
3. I won a ping-pong game!! YEAH!
4. I filled out a college application. Okay, this isn't really a first, but I just thought I'd throw it out there.
5. I watched a playoff soccer game that we WON not in the game, not in overtime, not in double overtime, but in the final kick-off (something I had never heard of before, but cheered loudly for nonetheless). Yay for our soccer boys who advance to semi-finals!
6. I went out for dinner with a group of friends... at 10:30pm. We all walked through downtown Portland taking in the city lights and taking crazy pictures of each other. Some of the guys thought it would be a good idea to spit off a bridge, trying to hit the cars passing below us (among other manly things). It was crazy.
7. I played a SOFTBALL GAME!! It was raining the whole time, which only made it more exciting (and all the more perfect for the post-game mudfight). Having never really played or watched baseball or softball before, I didn't know many of the rules. I didn't even know exactly when to run from base to base! So the girls just screamed when I was supposed to run and I ran. One time I hit the softball with my bat, heard the cue, then took off running. Or at least... I tried to take off running. I actually made it only half a step before slipping in the mud and sprawling headlong. I was laughing so hard that I couldn't get up, and all the girls were laughing with me. The guys (who we were playing against) kindly stopped play until I got up and ran to first base. Even with how nice the guys were to us, and despite the fact that we outnumbered them two to one, they still won. =P
8. We won a volleyball game! Fortunately this is not a first either, but it has been a while since we've won anything, so it is worth noting.
9. My roommate and I deflated her birthday balloons and talked to each other in high-pitched helium voices. This is the first time I have ever done this, and we both sounded ridiculous, which only made it funnier.
10. I accidentally sat on a slug.
11. I attempted to cover our entire cafeteria with salad. I'm not sure exactly how my lunch ended up flying everywhere, but I suspect someone planted a small explosive beneath my bowl, just for fun.
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