hopes and dreams and plans

Over the past few months, I have applied to four colleges. As of right now, I have been accepted to three, and the fourth acceptance depends on my transcripts from my first semester, which are in the mail as I type. The odd thing is, I have been recruited by five colleges for volleyball, two of which I never even applied to! The next message I get on my phone from an interested college, I am going to throw a shoe at my coach. Thanks, coach, for making this decision easy for me. =P
Earlier this week I sat down with my mentor here at college and had a long talk about my academic and spiritual goals, my career goals, my dreams and hopes, God's leading in my life, and how to best follow it. That really helped me with thinking out my plans for next year, but still at the back of my head was that nagging worry... What am I going to do after this year? This is a big decision, how do I know that I'm making the right one? How do I make sure that my choice of a college is the best one? And then tonight, after a long, long week, I sat down for some Jesus time, and I read this familiar passage. It's always a good one, but it really spoke to me tonight. I'm thinking it will speak especially to some of you as well, so I'm going to share it now.

Luke 12:22-31
Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
"Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

God is looking out for me, the worrier, the one of little faith. That is pretty cool! It doesn't mean that I'm just going to sit back and let things happen, though. I'm still going to research and consult and all that good stuff, but I am definitely resting in God and his plan for my life. He knows where I'm going, he knows what's best for me, and by lots of prayer and listening to his leading I'm hoping to make those two the same place. I would appreciate your prayers as I try to work out my college home for the next three or more years. Thanks all! =)

it's that time again, is it?

This past week I have done nothing, thought nothing, and read nothing. Hence, I have absolutely nothing to share with you today on my blog.

Actually, that isn't strictly true. If we are talking about complete honesty here, the truth is that I have expended so much effort on other things this week (such as classes, reading, writing papers, doing devotions, helping girls learn their choir parts, working, talking to friends, talking to myself, planning my school's winter formal, trying to decide whether or not, since I am required to be there anyway, I should go to formal with someone--yea, even a (gasp!) boy, talking to colleges, praying about colleges, talking to people about colleges, helping plan service projects etc.) that I have nothing left to devote to my blog. I am sure I have at least one original or inspiring thought somewhere inside that red head of mine, but it has declined comment for an indefinite period of time, leaving me with... nothing. Sigh. So what do I do? Tell jokes? Post a funny picture? Play the bagpipes? Talk endlessly about what I should or should not do? Heavens forfend!

I am afraid I have taken on a lot this semester (fortunately my parents aren't the "I told you so" type), so I'm not sure I'll be posting something every week. I will try hard not to neglect you all, but we'll just see what happens. In the meantime, if you desperately want to hear my voice of brilliance and wisdom, call me. It may be more reliable than my blog. =)

Read Psalm 71:14-24. It's pretty amazing. That's all.

what were you thinking?!

Last night I looked at my face in the mirror and asked myself just that question. I had recently returned from a meeting, before which I had attended an intense two-and-a-half hour class. This class was taught by three teachers, but the teacher of my discipline is rumored to be the toughest teacher on campus. The name Dr. Williamson usually causes students to either go a bit pale or to express deepest sympathies to those who are enrolled in any of his classes. Now, not only is this class a Williamson class (for me), but it is a senior-level course. WHAT WAS I THINKING? Repeatedly throughout this first class (which opened with a test and included a pop-quiz later) Dr. Williamson stressed that it was going to be a hard class and we needed to do work worthy of a 4000-level course. This is definitely no freshman class. Come to think of it, neither are my other classes.

I am taking seven classes this semester, only two of which are freshman-level courses. First comes my freshman Bible class: Acts--Life of the Early Church. Then comes a senior Bible class in which we read and write about 6 current events each week, discuss them as a group, take tests, and make brilliant connections between the Old Testament and the things happening in our world today. Then, another senior-level course, Marriage and Family Communication. This class is going to be super-awesome. It discusses the dynamics of interactions between family members, which will be not only a lot of fun, but also very helpful to an aspiring biblical counselor. My Comm III Research and Presentation class, sophomore level. This is basically a rhetoric course, with four speeches, some outside projects, some tests, and one biggish (7-10 page) research paper/presentation. And the hilarious professor really rocks my socks off, even though he's already decided to poke fun at me in every other illustration he makes. I think I'm just a make-funnable person. I'm also taking the sophomore level Psychology course, which... is your basic Psych II class. Ah yes, I am involved in the concert choir, both singing and playing piano, which is already quite a lot of fun. All the girls on my hall can probably hear strains of choir songs floating around whenever I take a shower. Poor girls! And finally, America's Founding Era. This is a class that can be taken for Bible, Literature, or History credit. I am taking it for History, from Dr. Williamson. This is the class I had last night, and it is going to be one awesome class! It will definitely be very, very challenging, but very good as well. In addition to all the fabulous primary-source history I get to study, this is a travel course. This March, I get to go to the East Coast! I get to watch a play in Ford's Theater! I get to visit Mount Vernon and John Adams' home! I get to go to DC! These are all things I planned on doing at some point anyway, and I am just thrilled that I get to do them now. Aw yeah!

Well, last semester my only complaint was that my course load was too easy, and not as intellectually challenging as I would have liked. My advisor let me stick my fingers in my schedule this time around, and now I am taking three senior and two sophomore classes. I definitely don't think I'll have the same problem this semester. Truly, I feel like I am back in high school again! How weird is that? =)

a thought for the classical mind:

"We are told that it is proper to begin first with the Latin, and, having acquir'd that, it will be more easy to attain those modern languages which are deriv'd from it. It is true that, if you can clamber and get to the top of a staircase without using the steps, you will more easily gain them in descending; but certainly, if you begin with the lowest you will with more ease ascend to the top; and I would therefore offer to the consideration of those who superintend the education of our youth, whether, since many of those who begin with the Latin quit the same after spending some years without having made any great proficiency, and what they have learnt becomes almost useless, so that their time has been lost, it would not have been better to have begun with the French, proceeding to the Italian, etc.; for, tho', after spending the same time, they should quit the study of languages and never arrive at the Latin, they would, however, have acquired another tongue or two, that, being in modern use, might be serviceable to them in common life."
-Benjamin Franklin, Autobiography

strong faith... with questions

"Sometimes the Bible really ticks me off." One of the things I like about Mr. V is that he isn't afraid to say exactly what he thinks. It was remarkably refreshing to hear that statement come from a devout, if rather crazy, man of God. Sometimes when I read my Bible, those are my thoughts exactly. Lately I have been reading the Bible through the eyes of a skeptic, even more than I usually do. Is it because a skeptical best friend is reading the Bible in an effort to make an honest evaluation of Christianity? Perhaps, but lately any scrap of paper within reach--bookmarks, bulletins, margins of my Bible, receipts from the grocery store, class notes, backs of envelopes--are bearing the marks of my ponderings.

Daniel 4:35 is one verse that gives me a little trouble and brings up a whole slough of questions. Is God above our moral standard? Is God the source of our moral standard? Are our human minds so depraved that we cannot comprehend God's ideal morality? Because God's behaviour sometimes doesn't make sense when evaluated by human standards of morality. How could God predestine or call some to be saved? Is that fair? Is God bound by fairness? Why does he place some people in nations where they almost certainly won't come to believe in Christianity? Is that fair? Shouldn't God give everyone a fair chance at salvation? What about all the children that die? Are they saved (yes, I am still struggling with this difficult question. I compiled a list of verses that talk about the age of accountability, and am pondering and pondering and pondering.)? What was the deal with Gentiles in the Old Testament? Could they be saved? To what extent was Israel God's chosen nation? Just because Gentiles living with the Israelites were required to live under God's law, does that mean that they were equal under the law? Or was that simply a part of a theocratic government?

These questions, and more, are all rattling around in my head, as are all the relevant philosophies and heresies and all that I ever learned in my Bible classes. It is like one of those infuriating triangle puzzles, where all the pieces are triangles. If you match one side of a triangle to the side of another, it changes whether or not all the other pieces will fit together in the end. All the pieces have to be arranged just right for things to fit nicely. I hate those puzzles. I've never been good at them. I wonder if all these related questions are really like that? If I answer yes to one question, I have to sift through what that answer means for all the other questions and it gets exhausting. At least I have something to keep me occupied in dull moments!

And then there is the question of the Bible's inerrancy. I was raised believing the Bible was totally infallible. And then I went to college. My Bible professor, my commentary, my test... all came from the viewpoint that the Bible was inspired, but because it was written through man, it contained numerous inaccuracies. Is it true? What is the importance of this question to Christianity as a whole? How does one explain the inconsistencies between the gospels? How does one explain away what appear to be mistakes? For that matter, why do we even have these 66 books in the canon of the Bible anyway? Actually, I learned that in 10th grade. Nevermind.
There are some inconsistencies which run even deeper, however. In Numbers 23:19, it says, "God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" Obviously, these rhetorical questions are supposed to have the answer "no." But how can this be? What about all the times that God just about wipes out the Israelites, but is stopped by Moses? God spoke, promising to destroy that stiff-necked people and instead bless Moses' descendants. Moses, like a good leader, dissuaded God. But wait a minute... he dissuaded GOD!! Isn't that not supposed to happen? Isn't God unchangeable, and slow to anger? He shouldn't technically have gotten so upset with the Israelites so quickly anyway, much less threatened to destroy them, then let a man change His mind! Sometimes the Bible ticks me off.

You know, I really do think that had I only taken Mr. V's Bible classes, I would have been an atheist. I found more reasons to believe in God in the Spiderman movie I watched last night than in any of his classes! Perhaps he played the devil's advocate a little too well at times. However, he, and all of my teachers, gave me the skills to think these things out and to discover what I believed on my own. They gave me the skills to even know how to ask these questions. What a double-edged education, right? Sigh.

Thinking things out is rough, but I see progress. I am figuring out how I can believe in God's foreknowledge and in human free will at the same time. That was a question that bothered me for quite some time. I suppose, as Winnie the Pooh says, "think, think, think." That is what I am doing. These questions are the usually invisible undercurrent of my life. I suppose there will always be things about God that I don't understand. Right now there just seem to be a whole lot of them.