"Sometimes the Bible really ticks me off." One of the things I like about Mr. V is that he isn't afraid to say exactly what he thinks. It was remarkably refreshing to hear that statement come from a devout, if rather crazy, man of God. Sometimes when I read my Bible, those are my thoughts exactly. Lately I have been reading the Bible through the eyes of a skeptic, even more than I usually do. Is it because a skeptical best friend is reading the Bible in an effort to make an honest evaluation of Christianity? Perhaps, but lately any scrap of paper within reach--bookmarks, bulletins, margins of my Bible, receipts from the grocery store, class notes, backs of envelopes--are bearing the marks of my ponderings.
Daniel 4:35 is one verse that gives me a little trouble and brings up a whole slough of questions. Is God above our moral standard? Is God the source of our moral standard? Are our human minds so depraved that we cannot comprehend God's ideal morality? Because God's behaviour sometimes doesn't make sense when evaluated by human standards of morality. How could God predestine or call some to be saved? Is that fair? Is God bound by fairness? Why does he place some people in nations where they almost certainly won't come to believe in Christianity? Is that fair? Shouldn't God give everyone a fair chance at salvation? What about all the children that die? Are they saved (yes, I am still struggling with this difficult question. I compiled a list of verses that talk about the age of accountability, and am pondering and pondering and pondering.)? What was the deal with Gentiles in the Old Testament? Could they be saved? To what extent was Israel God's chosen nation? Just because Gentiles living with the Israelites were required to live under God's law, does that mean that they were equal under the law? Or was that simply a part of a theocratic government?
These questions, and more, are all rattling around in my head, as are all the relevant philosophies and heresies and all that I ever learned in my Bible classes. It is like one of those infuriating triangle puzzles, where all the pieces are triangles. If you match one side of a triangle to the side of another, it changes whether or not all the other pieces will fit together in the end. All the pieces have to be arranged just right for things to fit nicely. I hate those puzzles. I've never been good at them. I wonder if all these related questions are really like that? If I answer yes to one question, I have to sift through what that answer means for all the other questions and it gets exhausting. At least I have something to keep me occupied in dull moments!
And then there is the question of the Bible's inerrancy. I was raised believing the Bible was totally infallible. And then I went to college. My Bible professor, my commentary, my test... all came from the viewpoint that the Bible was inspired, but because it was written through man, it contained numerous inaccuracies. Is it true? What is the importance of this question to Christianity as a whole? How does one explain the inconsistencies between the gospels? How does one explain away what appear to be mistakes? For that matter, why do we even have these 66 books in the canon of the Bible anyway? Actually, I learned that in 10th grade. Nevermind.
There are some inconsistencies which run even deeper, however. In Numbers 23:19, it says, "God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" Obviously, these rhetorical questions are supposed to have the answer "no." But how can this be? What about all the times that God just about wipes out the Israelites, but is stopped by Moses? God spoke, promising to destroy that stiff-necked people and instead bless Moses' descendants. Moses, like a good leader, dissuaded God. But wait a minute... he dissuaded GOD!! Isn't that not supposed to happen? Isn't God unchangeable, and slow to anger? He shouldn't technically have gotten so upset with the Israelites so quickly anyway, much less threatened to destroy them, then let a man change His mind! Sometimes the Bible ticks me off.
You know, I really do think that had I only taken Mr. V's Bible classes, I would have been an atheist. I found more reasons to believe in God in the Spiderman movie I watched last night than in any of his classes! Perhaps he played the devil's advocate a little too well at times. However, he, and all of my teachers, gave me the skills to think these things out and to discover what I believed on my own. They gave me the skills to even know how to ask these questions. What a double-edged education, right? Sigh.
Thinking things out is rough, but I see progress. I am figuring out how I can believe in God's foreknowledge and in human free will at the same time. That was a question that bothered me for quite some time. I suppose, as Winnie the Pooh says, "think, think, think." That is what I am doing. These questions are the usually invisible undercurrent of my life. I suppose there will always be things about God that I don't understand. Right now there just seem to be a whole lot of them.
1 comment:
Your Grandpa D struggled with some of these issues plus one of his own for years. He never found AN answer, but he never let it come between him and his Lord. He felt some answers are meant to be answered in eternity. I must admit it bugged him at times more than others, and that he did not talk about it much for fear he would stir up doubt in someone. I think he would have enjoyed visiting with you, Kimberlee.
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